I Lost My Passion for God
Being on Fire for Faith – Ex-Shincheonji Testimony
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where everyone around you seems to be so passionate about something, yet, you can’t help but feel like you’re not entirely on the same page as them? And so you try to put yourself in their shoes again and again just to see if you could view the world the way they do, but in the end, you’re still stuck with the same questions.
I often had this feeling growing up in an environment where I was always surrounded by people who are extremely passionate about God. As a member of a fervent Catholic family, I was brought up in church at an early age. I was taught to pray the rosary, recite prayers, receive the holy sacraments, and study the catechism. As I got a bit older, I also started to play piano for the church and took on a few other duties. All these things allowed me to become familiarized with the religious traditions and surrounded by people of faith.
Questioning God – Ex-Shincheonji Testimony
If you were to ask me at that point whether I believed in God, I would’ve said yes, without giving much thought to it. It was an identity that had stuck with me all my life.
However, deep down inside, I had so many questions about God that were left unanswered. Yet I was afraid to speak up because I felt like no one would understand me or even have the answers to them. I didn’t fully trust in God.
Yet I couldn’t bring myself to confess that I didn’t believe in anything at all either, because not believing in anything at all takes some major faith in itself.
As life went on, I found myself still struggling with the same questions–If God is real, then why would He allow so much sin and suffering to happen around the world, especially to good people? How can Jesus’ crucifixion atone for our sin when so many others have also died for a righteous cause?
Realizing that going to church alone wasn’t enough, I started to look into other resources. If I was going to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life, I have to be certain about it. I was so desperate to find the answers that I would spend hours researching, reading commentaries, and attended different Christian ministries in hope of finding another community that would help me. However, the more I looked into it, the more confusing it became. I started to realize that everyone was speaking from their own interpretations, and the teachings from one resource would often contradict the others.
How I was Introduced to Shincheonji – Ex-Shincheonji Testimony
Just at the moment when I was about to give up, I was able to engage in a conversation with a person that introduced me to the church and Shincheonji’s bible studies. Through this mentor, I was able to learn that the world we are living in right now is not the world that God had intended to create. This world that we are living in, is a broken world where bad things happen to both good and bad people. God, the Father, who had originally created this world to be good, has been in anguish for 6,000 years to tell us His side of the story.
Although I had the desire to seek God, I never thought about seeking Him through His Word. But if you think about it, not seeking God through His own Word is like trying to get to know someone by going to everyone else besides that person and asking for their opinions instead. In doing so, you might get a lot of information, but how many of those really are accurate? Why don’t we just directly ask the person we want to get to know ourselves? And that’s what I was able to do in Shincheonji’s bible study. I was able to ask questions and get answers, and learn more about God.
My Confession – Ex-Shincheonji Testimony
Despite this, I don’t know if I can ever grow a genuine heart of passion for God. Because as much as I hate to admit it, in this social media-focused world we are living in, the concept of happiness is now determined by the things we own, how much money is in our bank account, and how many followers we have on the internet. And that’s what I want to chase after too.
I once again felt the same way where I felt like Shincheonji people were so fervent around me for God, but I felt very lackluster. In the end, I don’t know if I care to know about God and live a life for Him. Can faith truly make us happy? I don’t know the answer, but I knew that staying in Shinchonji while I felt this way was wrong. So I was honest about my heart and told them that I couldn’t bring myself to love God in the way that they obviously did.