What happens when you leave SCJ?
Life after SCJ has been different than what I expected.
I was so unhappy in SCJ because I was failing my classes and I felt purposeless. I didn’t want to do any of my schoolwork and eventually I stopped wanting to do anything at all.
I talked about it all the time with my cell leader (the one who “leads” you and a small group of people of similar ages and situation). She would listen to me cry and vent and would come over with food to cheer me up but it didn’t help me at all. I still felt bored and tired of everything.
My cell leader eventually encouraged me to try therapy but I went to one session and thought it was stupid.
When I left Shincheonji, I thought everything would be magically restored and cured. I would be happy again, I would do well in school and be able to graduate on time, better career, income, relationships, lifestyle, etc.
But I still had bad grades after I left. I had a lot of time on my hands, more than what I knew to do with it. I had been devoting about 6 hours a week to Shincheonji, including two services a week and weekly meetings. Sometimes, I would meet up with friends from my cell group or my previous centre class. But even after getting that time back to myself, I didn’t really know what to do.
I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, who did not want to deal with having a depressed girlfriend and he said he missed the old me, the one who was funny and lively.
I managed to barely graduate from university and it took me a year longer than I wanted to do so. Now, my days feel empty. I have a decent job that I don’t care about and when I am not at work, I watch TV and go online. I still wonder what my purpose is. Leaving SCJ didn’t resolve all my problems and depression like I expected it to.